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Sudden Death Of Aunt Creates Rupture In Family Gossip Pipeline

Trending story found on local.theonion.com
Sudden Death Of Aunt Creates Rupture In Family Gossip Pipeline
VIRGINIA BEACH, VA—Grieving family members of local aunt Laurie Shelton confirmed Monday that the 48-year-old woman’s unexpected death had caused a major breach in their gossip pipeline, suddenly disrupting access to the latest dirt on all their relatives. “Since Aunt Laurie passed, news about how Stephanie’s new boyfriend can’t hold down a job and updates on Uncle Jeff’s gambling habit have slowed to a trickle,” said Shelton’s niece Arielle, mourning the loss of a woman who for years had reportedly ensured a steady stream of the juiciest tidbits about relatives’ layoffs, unplanned pregnancies, personal bankruptcies, and misdemeanor shoplifting charges. “All...
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