THE PENTAGON — Sgt. Maj. of the Marine Corps Troy E. Black screamed at the press today during a conference, saying, “I can quit getting haircuts whenever I want!” The outburst came amid claims of irresponsible decision-making by essentially the entire Marine Corps leadership, as defies the orders of governors, scientists, and rational human beings. The hill the Marine Corps has decided to die on? Barbershops. Black’s response was telling, as it has long been rumored that he and the Marine Corps Commandant are addicted to haircuts. Reports that the sergeant major is bald by choice have spread through the
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